Thursday, November 10, 2011

You've learned the language so well......and quickly!

I have lived in the United States for 25 1/2 years now.
Over the years I have been asked some very weird questions.
Sometimes I don't know whether to attempt an answer, or just ignore the person asking the questions.
It is a family joke that still doesn't get old still gets told about the first question someone asked me when I moved here. 
Are you ready??
"In Australia, do you have...........
indoor plumbing,
satellite dishes 
and running water?"
What do you think I answered?

A friend recently shared this on facebook and I am going to share it here.  I have seen these questions before and they still boggle my mind.......

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in 
Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.


Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. 
It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

But, I think my all time favorite comment came from a customer I was helping when I worked in a department store in Minneapolis.
Customer:  "How long have you been in the United States?"
Me: "About 1 1/2 years."
Customer:  "You've picked up the language so quickly and speak English so fluently!"
Me: (biting my tongue)  "Well, thank you!"  (didn't want to lose a customer!!)
Still trying to master the English language........ 

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