Day 2

 After an absolutely awful nights sleep night of not sleeping!  We had some breakfast and decided to do a little bit of sight-seeing, grab some lunch and then see if we were needed to help with anything for the wedding reception that evening.

Our first stop was The Historic Orchard at Altapass on the Blue Ridge Parkway.

Historic Orchard

It is a 102-year-old apple orchard turned Appalachian Cultural Center celebrating the people, music, art, and natural beauty of the Blue Ridge mountains in North Carolina. Built by the Clinchfield Railroad in 1908, the Orchard sits right on the Parkway providing some of the most amazing scenery on the Blue Ridge Parkway.

 We ended up staying at The Orchard a little longer than we intended.  They were getting ready for some musical entertainment that afternoon, and as time went by it got busier and busier.  We had lunch, explored the gift shop and people watched for a bit.  Sam and Jim played fetch with the farm dog and explored the apple orchards.

We climbed back in the car and headed down the parkway hoping to get some scenic shots.

Well.........we tried.......it was a little foggy that day!

We stopped at every scenic overlook, and this was our view.

Except, of course, when the view was blocked by trees.

Here we can see some of the mountains.

As we were driving along, I did notice the incredibly large spider webs.

Now, I am from Australia where everything that creeps and crawls tend to be big.

But, what kind of spiders do they breed here in North Carolina???

This is what I imagine when I look at those huge webs.

 Don't take your eyes off any small children or pets that you may hold dear......they could be snatched up.......just like that.........gone!

This is one shot that I did get of a nice, normal looking spider web.

There are waterfalls down there somewhere........behind the fog

We then received a call from Joshua saying that help was needed with sandwich making, so we headed back to Spruce Pines.

On our way back, we did notice a few things that made us go, "Mmmmmh??"

This truly is a porta potty.......I hope the wheels are immobilized

This sign just cracked me up.  Not a bad shot either, taken from a fast moving vehicle.

 Dropped Jim and Sam off at the cottage so Sam could chill out a little before the reception.

After getting lost a few times because we listened to the GPS, Jessica and I finally found our way to the Heaton's house.  Only to find that the sandwiches were done.

Went back to the cottage to get changed and collect the boys.

To my dismay, I found that in the trip to North Carolina in the car, strawberry milk had been accidentally spilled on my dress.  I dutifully sponged it off and went to iron out the creases.  Unfortunately, I hadn't gotten all the milk off.  Hot iron........sticky stain.......hole in dress.  After jumping up and down and muttering under my breath, I pulled option B out of the closet and discovered that it also had strawberry milk all down the back.  Sponged it, didn't iron it, stressed out because I wouldn't be wearing the wedding colors...........and off we went.

The reception area was done up very nicely

The sandwiches that I didn't help prepare

The cake

Cake topper

Flower arrangement

Bouquet

Display outside reception

Sign-in table

Sam stimming down the hallway

What Is Stimming?

Just in case some of you wanted to know. 

The reception was very difficult for Samuel.  I was going to keep everything pretty light-hearted, but I also want to use my blog to educate others about Autism.  Autism is our life 24/7, it is part of our family and our lives now.  It is part of Sam, therefore.......

Stimming is repetitive stereotypical behavior commonly found in autism, but also found in other

developmental disabilities. This behavior may involve any or all of the senses in various degrees

in different individuals. Several examples are listed below.  I highlighted some of the things Samuel does.  He also runs.....and runs.....and runs, screams, tantrums, sensitive to sounds (fans, air conditioners, people).  Sam also pushes and pulls hair when he doesn't know what is expected of him, doesn't know how to interact.  Sam was in a strange place, surrounded by people who he doesn't know and they don't know or understand him.  Tough, tough night for our little boy.

• Visual – staring at lights, blinking, gazing at fingers, lining up objects
• Auditory – tapping fingers, snapping fingers, grunting, humming
• Smell – smelling objects, sniffing people
• Taste – licking objects, placing objects in mouth
• Tactile – scratching, clapping, feeling objects, nail biting, hair twisting, toe-walking
• Vestibular – rocking, spinning, jumping, pacing
• Proprioception – teeth grinding, pacing, jumping

The happy couple about to make their grand entrance!!!

First dance, technically their 2nd :)

Mother and son dancing to the world's longest song!  Beautiful song, sung by someone with a very beautiful voice, but long!  Might not have seemed so long if we knew how to dance!!

Cutting the cake

Feeding the cake to each other.  Tried to get a better angle, but couldn't maneuver myself in there!

Joshua inspecting the cake

I raised him better than that!

Wearing their ears rather rakishly

Sam loves his big brother

 And this is where the battery in my camera died.  

Beautiful reception.  Joshua and Courtney are very loved by their families and friends.  It is exciting to see two young people start out their life together.

Joshua and Courtney exited their reception in a cloud of bubbles.

Purdy clan also exited shortly after. 

They were staying at the cottage with us that night!

Sally-Ann

PS.  Did you know that Floridians are known as Flor-idiots in North Carolina?  We've lived in Florida for 15 years now, do we qualify?

Sometimes......

Sometimes,
I just sit and cry. 

  
Sometimes, 
it is just one of those days.  

Why??

Sometimes,
it all just seems to much.

So, sometimes, I cry.

 
 A few months ago I cried, I cried because....
My little boy is now a grown man and he went and got married!  I cried because when your boy goes and gets married things change.  But, I also cried tears of  happiness.  Happiness because he found someone to love, someone to share his life with.  Happiness because he is happy.  I miss looking into the boy's room and seeing my little boy curled up in his bed and by big boy stretched out on his bed, feet hanging off the end.

A few weeks ago I cried, I cried because....

I said good-bye to my daughter as she headed off to college.  I love her and I miss her.  I know she is just a telephone call and a e-mail away, but I miss her physical presence.  I miss  trying to get her out of bed in the morning and trying to get her to go to bed at night. 

I miss her willingness to help out with her little brother.  I wonder if she misses his little voice in the morning?  "Jessica, get out of bed!  Jessica, get out of bed!  JESSICA!  GET....OUT....OF...BED!!!"

I  miss her random bits of information, her raised eyebrow and yes, I even miss the roll of her eyes......

The other day I cried, I cried because....
I sometimes feel like I am drowning.  I am drowning under the weight of life.  It is suffocating me.  The faster I try to swim to the surface, the further away it is.  
Family that is to far away across the ocean......to many missed weddings, births, and deaths.  Deaths, that is probably the hardest, the chance to say a final good-bye, a final hug, a final "I love you".  It isn't the same over the  phone.
Businesses to keep afloat, people that rely on us.
Church responsibilities, people relying on us.
Children, even though two are grown, you never stop worrying.
A little boy, relying on us, relying on us to be his voice.  Are we making the right choices?  Is there more that we can do?  Questions, questions, questions.
My own self doubt adding to the weight.  The expectations that I set for myself and can't quite attain.


But, then, I stop feeling sorry for myself.  I put on my big girl panties, isn't that the expression now days??  I remind myself of how blessed I am.  I remind myself of prayers that are answered.  I remind myself of support and strength I receive from God, family and friends.  I remind myself that I am made of sterner stuff, that I don't quit.

Tonight, I cried........
I cried in the new Seffner McDonalds!

Samuel loves fries.  Whenever we go past McDonalds, Sam says, "Fries".  Jim was out of town tonight, so I though I would take Sam to the new McDonalds here in Seffner for a treat.
It was busy......very, very busy.
This new McDonalds has a play area.
It was busy.....very, very busy.
It has probably been 6 months since I have taken Samuel to a play area at a fast food establishment.  It is always a mine field for a little boy with autism.  A little boy who pushes, pulls hair and screams when he doesn't know what is expected of him.  Crowds, noise and all that comes with it, just adds to it.
Sam was so excited to be going into McDonalds and when he saw the play area......
he started jumping.  Pulling on my arm as we ordered our food, Sam said to me, "Eat first, then play?"
We ate and then ventured into the danger play zone.
Did I mention before that it was busy.....very, very busy??
There was a trillion kids, standing room only for parents.
There was screaming.....lots and lots of screaming.
There was pushing.....lots and lots of pushing.
There was crying.....moderate amounts of crying.
There was blood.....small amounts of blood.

And?
None of it was caused by my little boy.
He waited his turn to go up and down steps.
I watched him put out his hands to push, but he stopped himself.
He didn't scream, he just laughed.
He had fun.
No body could tell that he was any different than any other child there.
But, he was different.
He is my little boy.
My little boy, who made me cry.  
I cried because Sam had a fun time. 
  I cried because I am so proud of his accomplishments, of how far he has come in such a short period of time.
It was a good cry.

I love being a mother, I love my kids.  Someone said once, that when your children walk into the room, they should see your face light-up.  I can't remember the exact quote.  But my children make my face light-up.  The 23-year old, the 18-year old, the one in heaven and the 5-year-old.

Sally-Ann

PS

DON'T google "big girl panties", what the heck was I thinking?????

Sam's Photo Shoot

A few weeks ago, Sam's school had a photographer come into the school and take "vintage look" photos of the students.  This was not an easy process.  As most of you know, getting children to pose for photos can be a tricky thing at the best of times, but taking posed photos of children with autism can be extremely difficult.  Add the fact that we had to change them into vintage looking clothing..........well, that added whole other level!

Sam's school has a mixture of typical kids and those with autism. 

It was a very long day.

Here are Sam's photos.  He wouldn't smile, but Sam did make eye contact with the camera, and that is priceless as far as I am concerned.  Sam has beautiful eyes, but we have to work hard to have him look into our eyes and we don't see them as much as we would like.

Sally-Ann

Remembering

I originally posted this on April 23rd, 2010, but thought I would re-post it today for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  Although the memory of loss can bring pain and dredge up grief, as a mother I don't want my child's memory to dim. She is my child and I love her as dearly as I love all my children.  Sometimes I hesitate when someone asks me how many children do I have.  Do I want to explain to this person?  So, sometimes I say three, sometimes four, and yet other times I will say, "Three living, and we lost a little girl."  But, regardless, the name Emma Rose brings a smile to my heart and a longing to hold her in my arms.

23rd April, our little girl Emma would have been 6-years-old if she had lived.

Emma was a big surprise. We had been trying for 12 years to have another baby. I had finally resolved in my heart that we were only going to have two children. A friend of mine had just found out she was pregnant, and for the first time in recent memory, I didn't get that little twinge in my heart when she announced her pregnancy. The first few weeks were a little rough. Through and ultra-sound we discovered that I was pregnant with not one, but three babies. Unfortunately, a heartbeat was never found on two of the babies and they just gradually faded away each week until they no longer showed on the ultra-sound. Emma continued to grow and thrive. I was a high risk pregnancy - forty-one, diabetic, high blood pressure and overweight. Every week I went to the doctor, tried to do everything they instructed me to the letter. Everything went along great. We chose not to have any of the testing done for birth defects, etc. At 8 1/2 months I went to have a amnio done at the hospital. Emma was measuring over 9lbs, so the doctors thought it might be wise to induce. The amnio was to check her lung development. The day before I had been at the doctors for my usual weekly appointment. I had a non-stress test which was normal. I also had an ultra-sound because Emma had been breech and if she still was, they would schedule me for a C Section the next day. During the non-stress test however, Emma had turned around and was head down.

The next day I woke up feeling extremely nauseated, but thought it was just nerves because I absolutely hate needles. We went to the hospital and there we received the most devastating news of our lives. Our excitement and joy gave way to pain and grief. In a room where the walls were covered with pictures of "miracle" babies - babies that had been operated on while still inside their mother's womb - we were given the news that our little girl had died in the night.

When I was in labor with Emma, it was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced, and it was probably made worse by the emotional grief and pain I was going through as well. I prayed so hard for a miracle, that the doctors were wrong. But, when the doctor placed her in my arms, I knew that my prayers had not been answered and I had not received my miracle. I thought that I had failed to protect my child and wondered how Heavenly father could give me such a wonderful gift after 12 years of trying to have another baby only to snatch her away at the last minute.
The following months were a bit of a blur, I did the things that were required of me, that I had to do, but there was not any joy, just depression. Finally, when I didn't think I could sink any lower, when I didn't think I could bear the pain any longer, I finally prayed to Heavenly Father and asked for the peace that I so desperately needed.

Every night I had been having the same dream over and over. I was sitting on the bed playing with Emma. There was a loud noise, I looked up and when I looked back down, she was gone. I could hear her crying and crying but couldn't find her. Every night it was the same and during the dream i would be saying to myself, "Don't look away, don't look away!" But I always did. One night, shortly after my talk with Heavenly Father, I had a different dream. Our family was walking along a cow path on a hillside. Coming towards us was a man, as he came closer I could see that it was the Savior. As He came closer still, I could see that He was carrying something in his arms. The closer He came, I could see that he was carrying our little girl. Finally our paths met. The Savior placed Emma in my arms. My arms stopped aching, my heart stopped hurting. I have never felt such joy and peace. In one brief moment the Savior’s hand and mine brushed. I had read many times in the scriptures about the women who knew that if she just touched the hem of the Savior’s clothing, she would be healed. That is how I felt. I knew, and know that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father love me. I felt that love. I knew in that instant that I was not being punished. I also knew that I had been wrong. I had received a miracle. That miracle was the Savior’s atonement. He suffered in the garden of Gethsemane for me. He suffered pain so great that he bled from His pores. He died on the cross for me. I knew in that instant that I would once again hold my little girl, that I would get to raise her and we would all be an eternal family.

I still miss her and cry for her. I still visit her grave and place pink roses there. But the promise of having my little girl with me again makes the pain bearable and gives hope.

We have this picture hanging in our living room. Jim bought it for me the week after Emma died. It is by Greg Olsen and is called, "Forever and Ever."

Our family calls it "Emma's picture."

A friend wrote us a poem shortly after Emma died.

After so many years of waiting patiently,

There was to be a new member of your family.

Though the thought of having her was at first a big surprise,

Over time you imagined her, ten fingers, ten toes, two beautiful eyes.

The perfect little baby, the final finishing touch,
To be a part of this family that had waited long enough.

The things you gathered for her were selected with love and care,

The crib, the bedding, her clothes, and the bows for her hair.

Yet, through a simple twist of fate and touch of the Master's hand,

Sometimes the gifts He has for us are not what we have planned.

You see now the roles have been reversed, she's gone back to Him above,

To look down and watch over you, with her eternal love.

R. Eaton

Sally-Ann

Our journey begins..........

On Friday, 13th August, our family headed off to Spruce Pines, North Carolina for Joshua and Courtney's wedding reception there.  Joshua and Courtney left on Thursday after their honeymoon to drive there.  Jim and Jessica left at 4:30am Friday morning to drive.  Samuel and I flew into the Asheville airport Friday afternoon.  Jim, Jessica, Joshua and Courtney met us there and then we all went to the newlywed's new home.  It was fun to see their new apartment and to see it starting to take shape into a first home for them.  We followed Joshua and Courtney and they decided to take us the scenic route!!!  Traffic was sooooo slow!

We then headed off to Spruce Pines to check into our cottage.  GPS is an incredible thing, but.......not always correct!  After a bit of meandering around the back roads of Spruce Pines, we found the correct destination!

It was fun to sit on the front porch.  Unfortunately, the views were not very spectacular!

This was the loft bedroom.  There was also a video game station that was a big hit with Jessica and Samuel.

 It was very comfortable, clean and had plenty of room to spread out.  The big disappointment was that Samuel couldn't play freely outside.  One of the features that attracted me to this cottage was that the reviews mentioned their young children being able to play outside.  Every time we went outside, five neighborhood dogs descended on us.  They would start to fight amongst themselves and Samuel would try and interject himself into the fray.
On Sunday afternoon Sam and I had an uninterrupted hour sitting on the porch and playing in the front yard.  
That was wonderful! 
There were beautiful butterflies flying everywhere.  So many different colors!
There was a super Walmart down the road a little, convenient for picking up supplies.  There was a poor dead raccoon on the road right by were we needed to turn into our cottage.  That was my road mark all weekend! When giving Jim directions, I was always sure to tell him, "Remember to turn at the dead raccoon!"

Sally-Ann