A long time, but, still like yesterday...

It has been such a long time since I have written on my blog.  So much has happened and still so much is still the same!!  Why do I write today?  Many reasons.  Writing on my blog was a way to remember and make a journal of my family.  Maybe something I said would help someone, make their day brighter  It helped me.  So, regardless of how many people may take the time to read what I have to say, I want to leave something of me for my kids.  So, hopefully I will be able to type something on a more regular basis.  Hopefully I will have something to say that makes sense!!

Today I want to share about something that actually makes me sad.  I am usually a pretty happy person and try to look at the positives in life.  But, some memories and thoughts are sad.  October 15th is  national pregnancy and infant loss awareness day.   15 years ago on April 23rd at around 6am, our little girl Emma Rose was born. The day before had started off with such hope and happiness.  Many of us know just how quickly that can change.  With us it was a ultrasound and no movement.  No heart beat.  How could that be when I had been so careful?  I was full term, how could that be?

The years have passed.  I no longer think of Emma as a baby.  I think of her as a teenager and let myself wonder at different times, what would she be like?  I see a girl with long wavy hair and maybe a dimple in her cheek.  I see her playing the piano just like her brothers and sister.  What other instruments would she play?  Would she like soccer like Sam or art like Jessica?  Would she enjoy babysitting her nephews?  I see a girl with a kind heart and a gentle soul.  

Today, I have let my mind wander and wonder as I sat and waited for Sam to finish his therapies.  As Sam and I made a quick trip to the grocery store for a few items for dinner tonight and for mini marshmallows for our science experiment this afternoon, my mind wandered and wondered.  As we talked about trains and pizza, my mind wandered and wondered.

Emma and Sam would have been great friends.  They are 18 months apart.  I think Emma would have helped draw Sam into her world, his guide.  I think she would have jumped into his world and made autism a bit less scary for him - and others.  

Many years ago I had gone to the mall one evening, I had Sam with me, but, everyone else was at church activities.  I remember looking back in the rear view mirror at Sam in his car seat and my thought was, "There should be two."  My very next thought was, "Yes, but you are happy."  There was a time after Emma died that I thought I would never be happy again, joy was something lost to me.  But, happiness came back.  Yes, there should be Joshua, Jessica, Emma and Sam.  But, there isn't.  The important thing is that there will be.  I know with all my heart that when this life is done, I will hold my girl.  We need to have hope and faith.  In despair and even when my mind wanders and wonders, hope and faith shine through.

We need to get a family picture with our beautiful Zachary aka Taco!!!

I Love To See The Temple

Yesterday we did a quick, spur of the moment trip.

Jim's work schedule has been crazy this month, lots of travel all over Florida.  We had been talking about driving down to Ft. Lauderdale to attend the open house for a new temple that our church has built there. 
Here is a short video about temples.

 Thursday evening, we finally decided to drive down the next day.
After a brief panic about what to do with the big yellow dog called Blue, we were set!!

The drive down was uneventful......
well, there was a little drama at the McDonald's in Naples.
I want to add that it was NOT caused by the Purdy family.  Will have to tell that tale at another time!
The temple is beautiful, and well worth the drive.
As we made our way onto the temple grounds, via a ride on a golf cart,
 (this small fact becomes important at the end of my blog!)

we were greeted by many ushers/guides.  Best of all, we were shown our way to the "visitor's tent" by someone we knew!  It was wonderful to see Melissa Curtis again!
After a brief movie and introductions to temples, we were on our way for a guided tour.  Sam was very excited and did not want to wait.  He wanted to go inside  NOW!!!  We had our own private tour guides so we could take time with Samuel in certain areas and push through quickly in others/

 All the temples have this above the doorway.  This is one of the first things Samuel checked.......you know, just in case they had forgotten!

 All the details are just beautiful.

 After the temple is dedicated, this will be the place where you enter the temple.

One of the rooms they showed us was the baptistery.
This is the above view.
Guess who tried to take a dip?? 

 The baptism font is on the back of 12 oxen, representing the 12 tribes of Israel.
The attention to detail is amazing.  Not one of the oxen is the same, and the tile on the floor was beautiful.  I think I am using the word beautiful quite a bit!!!

As a side note.  Samuel was very curious to know if the temple had escalators and was disappointed to learn that it didn't.   He then asked about elevators and was told that the temple was all on one floor.  As we were walking through where people entered who were going to do baptism, there was a little area where towels and white baptismal clothing will be kept.  Samuel made a beeline through that area with me in hot pursuit.  Imagine his delight when he spied a ELEVATOR!!  It probably went to the laundry, but not according to Samuel.  He informed me later that night that it was for Jesus so he could go up.

 Breathtaking murals were on the walls of this endowment room.  We had a little bit of a wait here, so we searched for the 3 butterflies in the mural.

 This is a sealing room.  Jim and I were married in a similar room.  Jim picked Samuel up so he could see, and we had Jessica stand by us.  We looked into the mirror and you could see our family reflected back over and over.  Samuel thought that was wonderful and we had the chance to talk about eternal families. 
 We were missing some important family members......but, we are an eternal family.

 This picture does not do the Celestial room justice.  This is the place that represents the Celestial Kingdom.  It is the most peaceful place on earth.  They asked us not to speak as we walked through this room, just to try and feel of the spirit.  Samuel had a tough time with this.  He kept looking around and saying, "Wow!"  We agreed with him.

 This is the chandelier in the Celestial room.

We saw many other beautiful rooms.  The "Bride's Room" was gorgeous.  We even got to look in the bathroom in the Bride's Room, I found the tile I want when we eventually redo our bathrooms!!

One of my favorite children's songs from church is,
"I Love To See The Temple."

 "I love to see the temple.

I'm going there someday

To feel the Holy Spirit,

To listen and to pray.

 For the temple is a house of God,

A place of love and beauty.

I'll prepare myself while I am young;

This is my sacred duty.

 I love to see the temple.

I'll go inside someday.

I'll cov'nant with my Father;

I'll promise to obey.

For the temple is a holy place

Where we are sealed together.

As a child of God, I've learned this truth:

A fam'ly is forever.

It is wonderful to go to the Lord's house.
It is even more wonderful when you see family and friends there.
The temple is a place where I have felt peace.  It has given calm to my heart when it has been troubled.  When my Mum, Dad and brother died, I was not able to go to the funerals.  Instead, Jim and I went to the temple.  We also went the day before our little girl's funeral.  The reassurance, promptings and personal experiences on those occasions and at many other visits, leave no doubt in my mind that these beautiful buildings are indeed "The House of the Lord."

As we made our way to the parking lot, we decided to walk because Samuel was beginning to have a tough time.  So many different experiences, the drive down and break in routine take a toll on our little boy at times.  But, a walk was not in the cards.  The driver of the golf cart chased us down and insisted that he drive us back to our car!!! 

Later that night I asked Samuel what his favorite part was.  He spoke of the elevator, the mirrors in the sealing room and the Celestial room.  His most favorite part, however, was the water park.  I was going to leave you guessing about that part, but that would be cruel!!

 Yep, water park.
Things could have gotten a little tricky.......

Sally-Ann

Faith, Family, Future......

I've mentioned before that Sam attended Sydney's School for Autism for 2 years. 

 It is now called Sydney's Academy .

The school is located on the grounds of St. Patrick's Catholic Church in South Tampa.  There used to be a church school there, now there isn't.  Now it is the home of Sydney's Academy.

Even though the Catholic school is no longer there, some of it still remains.

One of those things can be found as you are going up the stairs.

It is this......

Around the outside are the words,

"Faith, Family, Future."

 

When Jim was looking for a motto for his law firm, we tossed around a ton of ideas.  We pretty much decided on faith and family, but the third word was elusive.

Friends kept coming to mind, but it didn't really seem to fit well with the law firm theme. 

Not that lawyers don't have friends mind you!!

 

One day I was going up the stairs at the school and what had been staring me in the face for 1 1/2 years, finally clicked.

FAITH, FAMILY, FUTURE

Jim agreed, and that is what it is.

I was just doing a bit of a blog crawl.  That is where I go and check on the blogs I like to read and see if there are any updates.  One I like is Coal Creek Farm 
April has been posting fairly sporadically lately.
(Gee, how could that possibly happen?  Shuffling my feet, whistling and gazing up into the sky so I don't make eye contact!!)
But, in her update today she commented that she has been concentrating on
faith, family, farm.
That made me think of the law firm motto.
It also made me think that it isn't just the law firm motto. 
 It is our family motto.... 
Our banner.
Our standard.

Faith, family, future.  
That is what life is about for us.  Faith is what helps bind us together as a family. Faith and family are what motivates us to push forward with hope and anticipation for the future.
We believe that families are forever, they are eternal. 

 Faith, Family, Future.......

Sally-Ann

Waiting, waiting, waiting........

About this time 6 years ago, I was laying in a hospital bed patiently 

waiting, waiting, waiting.......

Bed rest for a high risk pregnancy does not help you develop patience.

You have a lot of time on your hands.

A lot of time to worry...

A lot of time to stress.....

A lot of time to dwell on nightmares from the past.....

All the things that the bed rest, in the hospital, were supposed to help aleviate.

HAH!!!  I say. 

The doctors didn't know me as well as they thought they did!!

What is one of my biggest fears in life???

Needles.......

More precisely, needles sticking into me.

Yet, every Monday for 3 weeks I endured a amnio.

They are not for the faint hearted.

I am most definetely not the poster child for this procedure.

But, for my children, I would do anything....

are you reading children?????

I have read in the scriptures about people praying continuously for nights and days.

I often thought......how could they do that??

Every day the nurses would come in to monitor Samuel's heart beat.

Every day I would hold my breath and wait.

Nearly every day they couldn't find it.

Nearly every day I would go down to have an ultra sound.

There I would hear that reasurring thump, thump, thump.

Then, then I could breath again.

I now know and understand how someone can pray continuously.....unceasingly.

I would do anything for this little boy.

At times I still feel that I am praying for him continuously......unceasingly.

Sally-Ann

September 11th

Badge from fire helmet discovered in the debris post 9/11/01

 I was looking for something to post on this day, and when I read this article, I knew that this was it.

9/11 destruction allowed us to spiritually rebuild

By Thomas S. Monson

 

The calamity of September 11th, 2001 has cast a long shadow. Ten years later, many of us are still haunted by its terrible tragedy of lost lives and broken hearts. It is an episode of anguish that has become a defining moment in the history of the American nation and the world. This week, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, along with Tom Brokaw, will pay its own homage to the unforgettable events of September 11, 2001.

There was, as many have noted, a remarkable surge of faith following the tragedy. People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it. Americans of all faiths came together in a remarkable way.

Sadly, it seems that much of that renewal of faith has waned in the years that have followed. Healing has come with time, but so has indifference. We forget how vulnerable and sorrowful we felt. Our sorrow moved us to remember the deep purposes of our lives. The darkness of our despair brought us a moment of enlightenment. But we are forgetful. When the depth of grief has passed, its lessons often pass from our minds and hearts as well.

Our Father’s commitment to us, His children, is unwavering. Indeed He softens the winters of our lives, but He also brightens our summers. Whether it is the best of times or the worst, He is with us. He has promised us that this will never change.

But we are less faithful than He is. By nature we are vain, frail, and foolish. We sometimes neglect God. Sometimes we fail to keep the commandments that He gives us to make us happy. Sometimes we fail to commune with Him in prayer. Sometimes we forget to succor the poor and the downtrodden who are also His children. And our forgetfulness is very much to our detriment.

If there is a spiritual lesson to be learned from our experience of that fateful day, it may be that we owe to God the same faithfulness that He gives to us. We should strive for steadiness, and for a commitment to God that does not ebb and flow with the years or the crises of our lives. It should not require tragedy for us to remember Him, and we should not be compelled to humility before giving Him our faith and trust. We too should be with Him in every season.

The way to be with God in every season is to strive to be near Him every week and each day. We truly “need Him every hour,” not just in hours of devastation. We must speak to Him, listen to Him, and serve Him. If we wish to serve Him, we should serve our fellow men. We will mourn the lives we lose, but we should also fix the lives that can be mended and heal the hearts that may yet be healed.

It is constancy that God would have from us. Tragedies are not merely opportunities to give Him a fleeting thought, or for momentary insight to His plan for our happiness. Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives in the way He teaches us, and to become something different than we were. We can make Him the center of our thoughts and His Son, Jesus Christ, the pattern for our behavior. We may not only find faith in God in our sorrow. We may also become faithful to Him in times of calm.

Thomas S. Monson is president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.